My 'adopted' teens

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dnalrednow-ecila's avatar
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I have two teens boys (both 16 yrs old) who I pretty much adopted or fostered (unofficially). Legally both belong to their mother's and both would be classified by federal definition as "homeless". Both boys are opposites in many ways.
The first thinks he's a rebel against the world. He is into the "goth" "emo" type of culture in his appearance and last year when I first met him, he would cut himself almost daily. He was miserable in his home. He has 2 younger siblings who have their own emotional baggage, the whole family has been abused in multiple ways by the adult men in their lives. I wish I could help them all, but there is a sign of "resiliency" in him. For those who are not sure what I am talking about, Resiliency is the qualities that some people have to overcome any obstacle that tries to wreck their live. Somehow they can get through the worst and move on past it eventually. I have it even when I often don't think I do, but I've been through a great deal of bad things in my life and somehow I get past them even if it takes FOREVER. Unfortunately with this boy's family, both of his siblings and his mother barely survive what is thrown at them, but they don't have the resiliency to overcome their circumstances and make better choices for their lives. So as much as I wish I could do more, there is very little I can do to help them. The best I could do for any of them was take him in. He's been living with me a little over 6 months and I've seen some improvement emotionally but he's still trying to be the rebellious teen and I'm too nice to push back, so I have been letting my roommate do that because she was raised in the military. He's made progress but he's also got a LONG way to go. Right now his mother and both siblings are living in one of those motels that you pay cheep rent week to week because it is so temporary. His mom is working 2 jobs just to afford that. I really don't want him to deal with that anymore. I am teaching him how to take care of himself and not rely on his mom to do too much for him. I'm teaching him independence, responsibility, and self-reliance. Teaching him that he has choices in life and not all of them have bad outcomes. I am giving him a clean and healthy place to live. I am the type of parent who never yells. I talk and discuss problems. I will provide consequences for actions, but mostly they are privileged based so he has to earn his stuff back. He doesn't always like it, but he knows he has the option to go live with his mother if he can't handle what I have to offer.
The other boy is very  one of the most resilient kids I've ever met and he's made the changes necessary on his own. He did have some help from a year of military school. I knew him a little right before he left and when he'd come visit to hang out with my daughter. He was always a good kid around me. It surprised me when one day in mid-September, he was walking down the road and when we asked him what he was doing, he told us that his mom kicked him out and told him to never come back. I have no idea why and I've never asked him more than he's willing to tell me about his life. All I know is that he has always treated me with respect and does everything he can to earn his space in my household. He likes calling me mom and knowing that I care about him. He appreciates my kindness and the fact that I don't yell. I believe him when he tells me something unless I have proof of a lie. While he was living with his mother, she had him drugged up on 2 anti-psychotic medications and two other high powered medication. Since he's been living with me, he hasn't taken any of them and he has been a great kid to have in my home.
What this has shown me is that not only do some people have the resiliency to overcome a great deal in their lives, but given the proper environment, many things can be overcome and people can change for the better. I may be going through a really bad time personally, financially, and emotionally, but I am proud of these boys who make me realize everyday that I can make a difference in their lives and that is worth a lot to me.
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